When you are in a relationship, it can be a challenge to quickly recover from an intense argument with your significant other. Regardless of whether or not you and your partner have come to some sort of an agreement in the end, the aftermath of a fight can leave both parties feeling uneasy and uncomfortable. While it may take some time to shake off the anger and frustration, there are several techniques you can use in your relationship to help you more effectively bounce back after a disagreement and reengage with your partner in a positive, united way.
When things start to calm down and the dust begins to settle post-argument, you may still feel inclined to be passive-aggressive as a tactic to further make your point. It’s important to remember that these tiny jabs at your partner will only drag out the fight longer. Both of you will continue to trade blows back and forth, falsely believing that the one who gets the last word in the argument is the ‘winner.’
Rather than indefinitely drawing out your argument, it’s crucial to let go instead of stoking the fire. It might feel like you’re walking on eggshells until things go back to normal, but that’s better than prolonging or escalating the fight unnecessarily.
Regardless of how badly you want to resolve your argument right away, it might be necessary to give your partner some space to cool down, while giving yourself some room to breathe at the same time. It’s important to recognize that you and your partner will both benefit from alone time to reflect on the situation, recover from the stress of the fight, and to start the healing process. If your partner needs some alone time but you don’t, try to avoid being clingy or punishing your partner for having different needs in the healing process.
While it’s a cliché phrase you may have heard a thousand times, proper communication is key to any thriving relationship. To start resolving a fight with your partner right away, it’s important for both of you to calmly communicate how you feel about the situation. Even if you don’t necessarily know how you feel yet, you should politely let your significant other know where you stand at that point in time. No matter how hard it may seem at first, try to be open and honest with your feelings without being defensive or aggressive.
If you’re having a rather intense argument, it can be difficult for both you and your partner to see eye-to-eye in the end, but it’s never productive to force your opinion in an overly aggressive manner. Regardless of how angry you may still feel post-argument, it can help to simply be kind and affectionate to your significant other. A little kindness can serve as a reminder that you both truly care about each other and that you care about the relationship. You don’t have to pretend like nothing happened; it’s just a little nudge in the right direction.
Sometimes an argument that doesn’t seem to end could be a sign that professional help is needed. Making the choice to go to couples therapy can feel very intimidating at first, but it’s a decision that might be necessary. Admitting that there are important issues to address in your partnership is the first step. The next step is actually seeking the help that you need.
As your Hermosa Beach, CA therapist, Dr. Kelly Mothner specializes in couples therapy, helping those in relationships confront issues head on. If you and your significant other are considering attending couples therapy, don’t hesitate to contact me via email, through a direct message on my website, or by telephone at 310-892-2572.